It’s nearly a year since you died.
There isn’t an hour of the day when I forget that. I am reminded from the moment I wake up until I fall asleep.
For the rest of my life there won’t be a day I don’t feel the weight of sadness that you are not here, living the future with me.
Yet I’m scared of forgetting the feel of your arms around me.
The sound of your voice, animated, deep, fun and kind.
Hearing ‘Mum’.
You asking me what time dinner will be ready, and me laughing that it will be the same time it always is.
The scent of your aftershave.
The look of your wet curly locks of dark hair after a shower.
Your excitement talking about the latest jumps and slopes you’d skied.
The feeling of joy and relief when you said you had booked your flight home.
The happiness I felt with you in my world.
From the moment I knew you existed in my belly.
Seeing you living life to the full in the mountains, following your dream.
It feels so long since I heard you, held you, saw you.
Time passing is painful.
Taking you further away from me.
Making the longing unbearable.
I will keep you in my heart forever, but oh how I want you here in my life.
24 years was not enough.
Wild-Grief 